“Hey! Where are the bratwursts?” It seemed like a simple enough question.
On Friday, while my back was turned and I thought that at least one of our four young adult visitors was watching the dog, Lilly the beagle vanished. It was the strangest thing. One minute she was playing with my son’s friends and the next, she was gone like she’d been Raptured or something. We called her name. We checked every room in the house. We walked around outside, thinking maybe she’d managed to sneak out when my son went out to light the grill. It was a real mystery. Dogs in houses do not just disappear without a trace.
As it turns out, she was only missing long enough to steal and eat four raw bratwursts while hiding under the sofa in the family room. We aren’t talking about cheap vacuum packed pretend bratwursts from the grocery store,either. These were the good kind from the meat market. Nice, plump, fresh ones with fancy ingredients like goat cheese. Enormous tubes of wonderfulness, too fragrant for a hound dog to resist.
A certain someone (who shall remain nameless…Ahem…) left a bag of sausages within swiping distance of a small beagle with no soul. The clues? An extremely guilty looking dog and a pile of greasy butcher paper under the green sofa. Oh, and beagle breath that smelled a lot like bratwurst.
The sneaky little culprit has been digesting her find for the past two days. There has been a lot of beagle belching but thankfully, no explosions thus far. At least one of the brats was filled with jalapeno peppers so things have been a little tense around here as we wait to see how that one, um…comes out. Oddly, she doesn’t seem any the worse for wear after her sausage heist and is even back to begging for treats.
This is a relief. However, I’m left to ponder exactly what a beagle can’t eat without getting a belly ache. If I ate four bratwursts in one sitting, I’d need my stomach pumped. Maybe we should enter her in one of those speed eating contests you see on television. Take her mad skills on the road and turn her into a celebrity weiner eater or something.
Or maybe we just need to remind young house guests with better intentions than judgment to never, ever, trust a beagle.
Particularly when it comes to bratwursts.