Constellations

The stars have been amazing lately, haven’t they?

In February, the full moon nights that bathe the snow in the woods lavender make each single point of light in the heavens seem to shine even more brightly. The dog senses this.  Last night, when I let her out one last time before bed, I watched from inside as she stood in the snow, nose up, staring into the sky high above her.

Unlike old dogs, most humans do not spend nearly enough time looking up.  We should work on this.  Maybe if we did,  many of the petty annoyances and small worries we accumulate during the daylight hours would vanish into the blackness since there’s nothing like a night sky in the middle of winter to help one gain perspective about their place in the Big Picture.  After all,  we are so small.  The universe is vast and wide and deep.  Maybe mothers,  most of all, need to be reminded of this since we believe with our whole hearts and minds that without us, Chaos would reign.  Okay…it probably would, but let’s face it.  They’d figure their own stuff out eventually.

Not long ago, as I was worrying out loud about something kid-related, a wise friend stopped me and told me that I needed to get a life.  At first, I was a little insulted.  What the heck did she mean?  I HAVE a life! I thought.  But I know what she meant and have to agree.  Once the heavy lifting of mothering is over,  it is essential to plan the future we want for ourselves.  Older mothers need verbal shoulder shakes like this more often. A little tough love doesn’t hurt. She also told me that while I am certainly important to my family,  that I am most certainly not the atmosphere. The people I love know how to breathe just fine without me.   As wives and mothers, daughters and sisters,  maybe we just need to be reminded of this from time to time.  As women, we should all be asking ourselves what it is that we want this one life we’ve been given to look like, and then decide what it is we want to be when we grow up once our kids have.

And so, keeping this in mind,  I’ve been looking upward into the heavens during this seemingly endless lavender month of snow and stars, asking that question.  I’m searching in earnest for my guide star, trusting that it will point me in the direction I’m destined to go from here.